Its My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To

Today is my 26th Birthday....no calls from fam, no calls at midnight from close friends, hell I don't even think I got any texts wishing me a Happy Bday. I know the one text that I happen to see came from one of my new homegirls, Oleta, saying that Rudy is still coming to my party and he's on his way. That's a shocker to me because I cancelled my party and sent out the cancellation texts early enough for me to not feel any guilt, at least unless I look and see there are more overly-concerned texts and voice mails that may have come from my friends that I invited.

Now the last few Birthdays I had really have been horrible. 23: I was pregnant and living in a shelter.....not much to celebrate if you share your meals with crackheads, prostitutes, and women who look like they been beaten with a shovel. 24: I got stood up by my date who happen to be someone that I seriously was crushing on, so I spent the entire day crying in front of my 9 month old who thought it was a game cause she kept smiling and laughing. 25: I was 1 month post-op so physically I was in horrible pain that I can't explain unless I popped an oxy pill or two and then I was in "La La Land" of which I was so out of it I really was a different person. So That April had a great meal at Olive Garden with her close friends, received some flowers from a dude who was overseas, and spent some time with my best friend before she left for Korea. Needless to say, I wanted my 26th Birthday to be a little different.

Now I was inspired to have a little party with some friends after I saw how Oleta's Party for her boyfriend turned out. so I wanted to do the same but instead of everybody going to a restaurant and having a bill and not being able to drink a lot due to driving or monetary issues I figured I throw it at a house. I asked my cousin if I could use his house and he explain that this weekend was MSU Allumni Picnic so his house is already being used for that. I then ask my sister if I could use her house and I just knew she was gonna say its ok. Her house is damn near abandoned, its been years since anyone other than me has step foot in there, nothing of value is in there, and I was gonna hire a maid to clean up all the spiderwebs and turn the lights and water on. So when I called and asked her the first thing I heard is, "Are you nuts"?! Then she went on to ask me what possessed me to even ask her that and why would I even want to throw a birthday party? I just simply hung-up on her because all that she said was uncalled for. I started to make plans as far as trying to have the party at my apt but I wasn't sure about that because I stay on the white side of town and I don't know how my neighbors would have felt about that. While all of this is going on my friends started to post stuff about my "houseparty" and people were sendin me messages about that and I was still unsure if it was possible so I had to update my facebook status saying that my houseparty was cancelled.....as embarrassing that was I had to do it because word-of-mouth seems to be faster than me. Now my homeboy who works for a hotel suggested that I get a suite at his place so I could still have my get together, I figured that was the best solution.

So Saturday finally comes and I start sending my texts to everybody I wanted to come. One of my friends cancelled because I didn't specify whether or not I was having the party and she made other arrangements so that was ok, "just one person", I thought. I was getting texts from all of my guy friends confirming they were still coming and asking the usual like, "directions, parking, and dress code." I wasn't hearing too much from the girls though especially my close friend Mell. Oleta text me but she didn't make it clear whether or not her homegirl was coming so it started to look like a bunch of niggas and 2 girls were gonna be there which isn't cool. I invited my co-worker/friend but I started to feel uncomfortable asking her to come because since the first girl cancelled I didn't want her to feel out-of-place especially since there were gonna be more guys than girls. I don't know why but the scene from Players Club popped in my mind (of course nothing like that was gonna happen) and that was far from what my party was gonna be. So after 3 hrs of waiting I started to cancel the entire get together. I sent my personalized texts to my friends who were coming with a quick explanation as to why it was cancelled. Then Mell finally texts me and says she has bad cramps and won't be attending. I'm not saying that was a bullshit ass excuse but.....it wasn't the best either. Midol exist for moments like this, yes I too have experienced the pain of a cramp or two but I also know my life isn't on stand still because of it. I didn't even text her telling her that it was cancelled, I just read it and continued to text everyone else. People started to call and ask me what was I doing instead but I didn't answer or reply, by this point I just wanted to sleep.

So now here I am, The Birthday Girl, writing a little blog about how my celebration of my birth seems to just be another day. I made plans to go on a date with someone I cared about but now I'm on the verge of cancelling that too. I don't have thoughts of my 24th bday repeating but I lost my optimism about today. I feel like I'm a little kid and I was just told by my mom and dad that Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and The Tooth Fairy aren't real and they decided to get a divorce (no that did not really happen to me btw). Maybe I was putting way too much emphasis on today but all I wanted to do was have some fun, share some laughs with some friends, and drink to celebrate. I doubt I'll ever attempt to plan anything again, including my wedding. Seems like planning an event causes nothing but stress and realization on how close your connections with your friends really are.