Revelations

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think that the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."


Mac from Juno


I spent the day being in the midst of being angry and depressed. I was told by someone that my actions from the past was not very becoming of me and that it wasn't very attractive. After my fire died out my depression kicked in and it was so hard for me not to cry while driving home only because I was carpooling. No matter what I still have too much pride to let others see me cry. I was upset because I felt like I couldn't open up and be truthful about myself to others without being criticized. I understand if the actions I did was occuring now but its not, that was from my past. How can you trust someone and vice versa if you can't open up to one another? If it wasn't for the above quote I would have been too busy cryin my eyes out to even see what I'm writing. I'm glad that I did decide to watch that movie on this day because had it been any other day I don't think the words would have meant as much as they do now. My history is a very important aspect of my life, it prevents me from making the same mistakes. IF it wasn't for my past I would be a very different person now. So if my past is too much for someone to handle then I guess they can't handle me in the present and definately won't stick around for my future....

Morris Brown

I don't know how to talk about this school, its hard for me to explain the love I once had for it. Despite all warnings from family and peers I attended the once infamous Morris Brown for a year. In one year I changed from an innocent, shy girl to a foul mouth, Soulja. It was caused mainly from the band, now I still have love for my Marching Wolverines. The year I attended was the year that the school was under investigation by the federal government for misuse of financial aid. My family begged and pleaded with me to leave the school because they will be closed but I had so much hope and faith in the school that I knew everything would work out.
..............................................I was wrong.

The day they lost their accredidation I don't know what I did. So many years have passed since then, its hard to remember but I recall feeling this neverending "I told you so" caused by my family, friends, and the media. Over and over being told that despite all my feelings and prayers to God it didn't go trough, we lost. The worst part about it all was trying to move on. I wore my band shirts with pride to cover the pain I felt all over. All my sweat, tears, aches,bruises, humiliation and etc I put into for that band on behalf of the school was all for............ nothing. Going to Albany StateUniversity just emphasized how cruel some people could be. Instead of welcoming me and my fellow Brownites with open arms we was treated like the unwanted foster children. Only there for their benefit, nothing else. I never got over it and started to hate everything that caused this, especially Morris Brown College. Always thought, "What if I never went there; how would my life be diferent"?

The reason why I'm writing about this is because I am sorta in the same predicament I was in like going to Morris Brown. I dedicated a year with all optimism that everything would work out and that God would answer this prayer with a rainbow promising me that the pain I felt before would never occur again. I can stay and stick it out and wait to see what happens but after investigation I learn the truth about some things and it doesn't look good. I want it to work out but.......I can't take that type of pain again if it doesn't. I was offered this opportunity to move on to something better that is legit, kinda like me going to The University of Florida. I'm guarantee to have a future unless I decide to screw around and get kicked out.

All of my friends tell me to move the fuck on and go there, hell I even tell myself that I'm a fool to stay. Problem is I put my heart into this for a year and I don't want to seem like the love and dedication I had wasn't real and it was just adrenaline mixed with alcohol. I'm not 18 anymore, I'm 24.......I have to make the grown-up decision now and not just go off of feelings, I need to use logic. Everything I want I can get with less struggle and non-stop adoration. I would be treated like the queen I am if I leave. If I stay, I won't get the same treatment and I'll always have to worry about who will be the one to de-throne me, if I can ever attain that title..........

When it comes down to the two schools, The University of Florida has a higher success rate than Morris Brown. But will I ever have as much love for it like I did for MoB?