Fuck U doing? Bullshittin

As each day goes by I get these friendly little reminders of why I don't talk to many people. I really can't stand liars and I especially can't stand fakeness, I rather have a person be up front rather than be a backstabber. Now like I mentioned in my earlier entry I mentioned that I dabbled in the strange, yet exciting world of green (I'm not gonna actually say the word), and I enjoyed almost all the times I had that feeling. I finally had felt relief and started to be able to openly express myself without a care in the world. My inner slacker finally saw daylight and took over for a good lil minute but due to some events I had to abruptly stop. Now reality is starting to come back and I see the damage that it caused but I also see the bullshit these people trying to bring me.

Me and my sister are falling out once again and I don't even know how or why this happened? Even with us being almost a 1,000 miles away we'll always just fall out for random shit. I asked her about a week ago if I could move in with her until I could get my own place so at the maximum 2 months. At first she said it was cool and scolded me for not listening to her sooner about moving closer. The next day I call her and she says,"well April when ma kicked me out the house and I tried to come back home she wouldn't let me so you can't stay here." I was mad but unsurprised by her actions. What shocked me was when my bro told me all the things she said about me behind my back and how I'm not an independent person because my mom still helps me out. When I spoke to people about this they said it sounded like she's jealous and I thought the same thing. So I called her after that to ask if it was ok if I could at least stay there for a few days for Thanksgiving and she agreed but our conversation quickly went on to the things my brother said. In all honesty, she's right and I am too dependent on my mom for help and I am the one that has a child so I need to be able to handle things on my own. For now, we're still not buddies or showing the fun part of being sisters but I do respect what she says.

My nigga be on some straight up bullshit wit me! I love the man but damn, talkin bout milking the cow til dust comes out he'll be an expert lol. I really need to keep my distance from him cause too much of him can and will be hazardous to my health, not cause he's dangerous, but because I care too much for him. If I could I would give him the world, all the stars, and maybe the moon just as a vacation spot lol. See how crazy (in a good way) he makes me??? Nah but I put him on a pedastel like that because unlike everybody else I knew before surgery this nigga kept his fuckin word and helped me. Then the bad thing about it is me and him weren't even on speaking terms when he did come back in my life. I'll always have love and respect for him because I don't know how things would have turned out for me had he not been there. Now just because I said that don't mean he not on some other shit however. I planned to drive home back in October and asked him if he could come with me so he could help drive, keep my daughter entertained on the road, and also so he could see his homie. At the last minute he cancelled and I wasn't able to find anyone that was available and because its a 12-14 hr trip I didn't bother putting my baby through that torture. Tell me why this nigga flying up there for Thanksgiving? Also when he told me he said he not gonna cancel his plans like I did. What the fuck that suppose to mean??? Now if I had green I could laugh that shit off but since I don't, I guess I'll be fuckin wit him the long way.

My aunt.....the reason why I'm up writing at 3 n da mornin pushed my buttons. I woke up bout an hr ago to use the bathroom and I checked my phone to see she emailed me. The email basically was her responding to my unanswered phone call and voice message that I made almost a week ago. This was also her answering the question I was not able to ask her but before I jump the gun let me explain our relationship. Me n her were cool and she has helped me out from time-to-time and most recently she took my daughter on vacation with her last yr when I was too busy moving to my new place. Me and her fell out a few months later because of my Facebook Status: "Fuck niggas, bitches too, all I got is this money and this will do." She made a comment under that statement saying that she can't believe I said that and she will pray for me. I commented back saying that its a song and Jay-Z said it, not me lol. So I updated my status again saying if anyone has a problem with what I say to please delete me. She took that as a personal threat and blocked me, not delete, but BLOCKED. Ever since then I haven't spoken to her, she sent me an email a few months later wishing me a happy bday but other than that we have not spoken. So when me and my sis fell out I asked my bro if I could stay with him just for Thanksgiving but he only has a one bedroom, he suggested I asked my aunt. So I called her and left her a message asking for her to call me back but she never did. My brother, without my awareness, ask my aunt if its ok if I stay at her place for Thanksgiving. So she emails me and tells me how busy she's been and with such proper ladylike manners says, " Alonzo said you wanted to stay with Claude and I, but unfortunately it will not work. I hope you will find an alternative." Really? She couldn't call me to say that? She couldn't just be so busy she forgot to call me back period but she could have the time to write an email? After reading that I emailed her back and told her I'm not coming and I text my brother tellin him the thought of me moving up there is completely out the window and to not ask anyone in our family to help me.

Who needs green for enlightened inspiration when I got people like my sister to spark my spirit, my nigga to make my spirit burn, and my aunt to fuel that fire? I've been bullshitting too damn long. Now that I hear and see how the closest people treat me its about time for me to do the same towards them. So I will be on my grind real hard, I will be Ms. Independent, I will be shining like a star, and I WILL accomplish this in a timely manner.